Saturday, April 20, 2013
Face Your Fear
Hello everyone,
So as many of you know on April 10th I gave birth to my second daughter. I wasn't able to have the home birth experience that I was wishing for with this one like I was able to have with my first daughter. I was heartbroken and depressed.
But before I get into the second birth, let me first explain the first one.
I was 39 weeks and already had 5 previous false labor days. I got fed up with the false labor keeping me from doing what I wanted to do so I decided to move it along. I drank (painfully) some castor oil and went walking. Sure enough real labor started, but it was slow. The first day the contractions were a steady 8 minutes apart, contractions lasting a whole minute long. Nothing I did stopped them so we knew they were real. Second day we called the midwife as they went down to 5 minutes, but they weren't strong enough. The late night of the second night (going into 3 days) I was exhausted, worn out, and the contractions were very hard. We called the midwife again and sure enough I was at 7cm dilated. I took a bath and walked around the house and got it to an 8cm then the midwife broke my water to get it moving along. I got to a 9 1/2 and started pushing. I pushed for a whole hour and the midwife had to help push back some cervix to get her out. But once she did, she was beautiful healthy and crying great. I was so proud of myself that I was able to hold off for the nearly 3 days and have the natural birth I wanted.
Now for my second, this was very different....
First, I was having random complications throughout the pregnancy. Nothing to do with the baby, but more of my physical health. My immune system was shot and I constantly got sick, and I got sick with things I never had before in my life (one of them being pink eye). I had sprained muscles in my lower abdomen (suspected torn ligaments) from carrying around my 4 year old. I did at one point have to stop contractions to prevent preterm labor. But that was due to high stress. When it came time to start planning for the birth, my midwife had asked for the payment due. Unfortunately my bf and I were to blame for poor planning and weren't able to make final payments in time. We were forced to look into our other options. Since I had insurance we decided to go ahead for a hospital birth, but without a physician I wasn't able to do any pre-planning with the hospital. I was forced to wait until I was in full labor to go into the hospital and be seen by the on call doctor. Which I didn't mind, the staff at the hospital I chose was very nice and a lot more supportive than a previous hospital I chose.
After having my late baby shower I was given the HORRIBLE castor oil again. After the first failed try (I stupidly tried to drink it straight, I quickly learned I needed to mix it with something hot) I gave a couple days rest and went at it one last time. I was woken up two nights in a row with contractions (having to call into work) then later in the day was disappointed with the contractions fading away. I was determined to let it go and go back to work until the baby decided to come. On the morning of the 3rd day I wasn't woken to any contractions, but sent my bf off to work. An hour later I was woken up to something different, my water broke. Quickly getting my bf back home and waking my mother we rushed off to the hospital where the contractions started to hurt. I thought "oh this isn't so bad I can handle this" OH boy was I ever so wrong......3 hours later I was still in triage getting blood work and paper work done (my mother helping me with the paper part). I was only dilated to 5cm and the pain was more than I ever thought it could be. I was vomiting with each contraction and thought my insides would literally explode. This pain was VERY different from my first's. I quickly realized and admitted to myself that I could not handle this pain. It was a humiliating moment for me as I was so proud of myself with my first daughter that I did it naturally. I felt like I had gotten weak over the years. I had a break down moment and allowed myself a self pity party then got over it and told the nurse I wanted the epidural. My mom gave a frustrated sigh and I felt even more humiliated but at the moment I didn't care. Once I got into my labor room I was over joyed when I saw the doctor that would do my epidural come in shortly after. The feeling of being pricked in my back was strange and unlike anything I've ever felt. But! Once the numbing came in and I was able to regain energy (I was passing out in between contractions) I could have cried with how relieved I was. My bf then asked me how I felt about being at the hospital. I'm sure he was expecting me to still have the opinions that I carried before or to have dropped everything I had believed in. I was actually neither. Yes I still believe hospitals are not places to have a healthy birth, hospitals are a place to have babies in emergency situations as that's what hospitals are MADE for. You don't go when you get a paper cut right? Same concept with having a baby. Being pregnant is not a disease and shouldn't be treated like it when you go into labor. However, to have the option there to have a more pleasant experience is within our rights. Every woman has the right to chose the homebirth experience or not. I wish more women explored it and weren't so afraid of it. Because (as what they may not know,) they can always change their mind, while BEING in labor, to go to the hospital. And it would be the duty of the midwife to honor their choice regardless of the preparation.
Back to the story. Because of the epidural my body was relaxed enough to allow my body to get out of being stuck at 5cm for three hours and go to an 8cm. But then I stopped again. I was stuck at an 8cm for possibly 4 1/2 to 5 hours if not longer. They put me on pitocine, which I didn't agree to (morally) but I understood that being in labor after the water breaking raises my risk of getting an infection and I was in 12 hours of my water breaking. On the 13th hour my pitocine was upped a little more and finally we had a baby on the way. My legs were propped up and I was told to push hard. Feeling the pressure due to the pitocine I knew where and how to push. First push, she crowned, second push her head was out then a half assed push after that and she came out! I was super proud of myself that I was able to do that so easily compared to the first time and I was numb! I couldn't believe I was able to feel as much as I did without feeling pain. And I was able to be filled with bliss when I saw her and heard her cries, instead of feeling the afterbirth contractions. I couldn't stop smiling for hours after she was born.
Do I regret having a hospital birth? No!
Do I regret having a home birth? Hell no!
What I learned from my experience was probably something I needed to learn. Which was that you can have a beautiful and great experience either way. You have to decide what's best for YOU and you only. It's not about what anyone else wants you to do, you know your body, you know your limits. I had two VERY different births and I wouldn't trade one over the other at ALL. I love them both, I love the experiences and the lessons they both taught me.
Now I have two beautiful little girls that I can't get enough of.
I'm one blessed momma :)
(no quote this time, sorry XD)
Yin Yang Sakura
Thursday, August 9, 2012
Falling from Cloud 9
Hi Everyone,
I've recently come across how awesome Katy Perry is. More particularly her song "Wide Awake". It almost made me cry my eyes out when I first saw the music video, because I did see her movie (which the music video is based off her movie), and it reminded me of every emotion and feeling that I had from my ex husband when he left me. And when I had the realization of a previous relationship. I lived in an illusion life that everything was perfect. Then it hit me...Katy Perry went through that very experience. She was in an ideal marriage with the man of her dreams, a guy who was amazing to her whom she loved and she did anything and everything to keep her marriage alive DURING a year long world tour she was trying to do for her career. He obviously couldn't handle the pressure of it and filed for divorce.
Us as women have a habit of getting used to a guy being there for us. Falling in love fast and heavy because we're scared to be by ourselves. I stayed in a relationship for (I'm not going to put a specific time to protect privacy) a long period of time even though I had known right off the bat, it was a bad idea and wasn't going to last. Sure enough when the bad times started happening, I ignored it. I later admitted to myself it was because I thought it was as good as I was going to get, so I had to deal with all the depression and hardship. After a while I realized I also stayed because I was afraid to be by myself. I didn't need to settle just because it was as good as I was going to get (even if it wasn't) I could be happy alone. And I wouldn't be entirely alone, because I would have my beautiful daughter.
Yes I did start into another relationship rather quickly after that one. And it happens to be the relationship I'm currently in. BUT whenever hard times come, I show how I'm not afraid to be alone, and I think it scares HIM that he'll lose me. And that alone made me realize the biggest picture all women should have.
The power of KNOWING you are perfectly fine by yourself, is a HUGE power alone. Because if he does leave, or if it doesn't work out for whatever reason (be it; stupid, serious, mutual. etc.) You have the ability to walk away with a shield around your heart. Yes all break ups hurt, but you would see how you wouldn't hurt as bad as you would before. Go through the steps of the breakup, sleeping in, over eating junk food, not doing a DAMN thing, or not eating for a day or two, whatever your steps are ALLOW yourself to got through them. Then, one day, wake up and OWN your day, OWN your life, and SHOW your pride that you are single and you LOVE it, because you are not tide down, you don't need a man to hold your hand, to tell you you're beautiful, to blow smoke up your ass so he can act like an ass. You know you're beautiful, you're a gown up woman that doesn't need a hand to hold, that doesn't need ANY of that.
Being independent is sexiest of all, and the greatest feeling of all.
The only problem with this is some women find it as excuses to be just as bad as men, pulling one night stands, making out with a different guy any hour of the day. Being truly independent has nothing to do with any of that. You are just as bad as a man that calls himself a "pick up artist" or a "player". But with women, we are expected to be better then that, so we do get called "sluts" when we pull these moves, claiming "independence" Seriously, those women just give us respectable women a bad name....
Think about TRUE independence, and know its something to be proud of. Even if you are in a relationship :)
For now, I leave you with this...
"How wrong is it for a woman to expect the man to build the world she wants, rather than to create it herself?" - Anais Nin
YinYangSakura
I've recently come across how awesome Katy Perry is. More particularly her song "Wide Awake". It almost made me cry my eyes out when I first saw the music video, because I did see her movie (which the music video is based off her movie), and it reminded me of every emotion and feeling that I had from my ex husband when he left me. And when I had the realization of a previous relationship. I lived in an illusion life that everything was perfect. Then it hit me...Katy Perry went through that very experience. She was in an ideal marriage with the man of her dreams, a guy who was amazing to her whom she loved and she did anything and everything to keep her marriage alive DURING a year long world tour she was trying to do for her career. He obviously couldn't handle the pressure of it and filed for divorce.
Us as women have a habit of getting used to a guy being there for us. Falling in love fast and heavy because we're scared to be by ourselves. I stayed in a relationship for (I'm not going to put a specific time to protect privacy) a long period of time even though I had known right off the bat, it was a bad idea and wasn't going to last. Sure enough when the bad times started happening, I ignored it. I later admitted to myself it was because I thought it was as good as I was going to get, so I had to deal with all the depression and hardship. After a while I realized I also stayed because I was afraid to be by myself. I didn't need to settle just because it was as good as I was going to get (even if it wasn't) I could be happy alone. And I wouldn't be entirely alone, because I would have my beautiful daughter.
Yes I did start into another relationship rather quickly after that one. And it happens to be the relationship I'm currently in. BUT whenever hard times come, I show how I'm not afraid to be alone, and I think it scares HIM that he'll lose me. And that alone made me realize the biggest picture all women should have.
The power of KNOWING you are perfectly fine by yourself, is a HUGE power alone. Because if he does leave, or if it doesn't work out for whatever reason (be it; stupid, serious, mutual. etc.) You have the ability to walk away with a shield around your heart. Yes all break ups hurt, but you would see how you wouldn't hurt as bad as you would before. Go through the steps of the breakup, sleeping in, over eating junk food, not doing a DAMN thing, or not eating for a day or two, whatever your steps are ALLOW yourself to got through them. Then, one day, wake up and OWN your day, OWN your life, and SHOW your pride that you are single and you LOVE it, because you are not tide down, you don't need a man to hold your hand, to tell you you're beautiful, to blow smoke up your ass so he can act like an ass. You know you're beautiful, you're a gown up woman that doesn't need a hand to hold, that doesn't need ANY of that.
Being independent is sexiest of all, and the greatest feeling of all.
The only problem with this is some women find it as excuses to be just as bad as men, pulling one night stands, making out with a different guy any hour of the day. Being truly independent has nothing to do with any of that. You are just as bad as a man that calls himself a "pick up artist" or a "player". But with women, we are expected to be better then that, so we do get called "sluts" when we pull these moves, claiming "independence" Seriously, those women just give us respectable women a bad name....
Think about TRUE independence, and know its something to be proud of. Even if you are in a relationship :)
For now, I leave you with this...
"How wrong is it for a woman to expect the man to build the world she wants, rather than to create it herself?" - Anais Nin
YinYangSakura
Thursday, June 14, 2012
How bad does shit smell?
Hello everyone,
Long time since I've made a post like this, but something has recently caught my attention that started to make me think. And thinking isn't always good when you have a mind like mine (NEVER stops).
We always say, "shit happens." when anything bad happens to us or a bad situation...basically anything bad, right? Just to make the situation better, or just simply to make yourself feel better. We put up with it (whatever it may be) and settle it or move on, mostly move on. Yet, the "shit" is still there. Have you ever noticed that whenever something like this happens, the situation or moment is never really handled but more ignored/looked over, just so you can move on? I've noticed this 9 out of 10 times I've seen people more-so look over the situation rather than handle it and have it be SOLVED. Mostly in the workplace, but I've seen this in daily lives as well. I've recently found myself in this particular situation.
(To give some perspective to those whom maybe confused as to what I'm talking about, here's an example)
Let's say (for instance), you're a supervisor of your department (be creative). You realize you're short on staff, you go looking around asking your workers what do they know of the people who were all supposed to be there. They don't have an answer for you (as you are the one supposed to know as the supervisor) now people are looking to you for answers why you don't have enough people working. So, you go to your boss for some help. "I'm short of workers today, do you know any one who can come in today on short notice?" And your boss replies with, "Oh yea, 3 people called in sick today, I meant to tell you but forgot. You have one person coming it, but no one else answered their phone." Obviously, this is a bad situation because people were mad at you for not making sure you had the right amount of people, yet it ended up being your boss's fault for being an idiot. You confront your boss, saying its very important and a big deal to make sure you're aware of when issues like that happens. Your boss does the typical nod and "yea yea" while shooing you away, or does the "I'm YOUR boss so let me talk down to you for about 10 minutes just so you know how much bigger I am than you." talk (we all just "love" those huh?). However, the initial situation itself is never really approached, handled, or solved in a manner to where there's a system to follow for the next time it happens. Right?
Same thing in family situations, relationships, friendships. The list goes on and on...
Really this does ultimately go down to that as humans, we like conflict. If we were to really solve everything around us, there would be no conflict. No conflict means no drama, no gossip, no arguing, no yelling, no rushing, no frustration, no stress. Normally one would think all that would be a GREAT things to have without. Ironically though, we as humans can't live without that. Our lives would become TOO routine, and TOO boring without conflict.
To keep our interest in our daily lives, we allow conflicts to arise. We don't call our boss's right away when we feel a sickness coming on (or honestly don't feel like going into work), we don't tell our boyfriends/girlfirends our ex just called us (right away), we DO tell our brother he should get a DNA test on his wife's new baby, we DO let an angry customer get to us, we DO tell our best friend her profile picture makes her look like a skank. We enjoy the rise we get from having arguments, fights, yelling, stress, rushing, and gossip. It gives us a small yet satisfying adrenaline rush and peek to our day.
With relationships, it tends to be different. Either its excuses to end relationships, self esteem issues, fears, or just plain stubbornness. It all depends on the particular situation and how honest the person wants to be about why they're really making mountains out of mole hills.
So whenever you find yourself in these particular situations/issues...just ask yourself, shit does happen, but how bad is it? Is it really worth it?
Truthfully, nothing's worth risking your job, family, or relationship...its all a matter of how bad you want it.
Yin Yang Sakura
Long time since I've made a post like this, but something has recently caught my attention that started to make me think. And thinking isn't always good when you have a mind like mine (NEVER stops).
We always say, "shit happens." when anything bad happens to us or a bad situation...basically anything bad, right? Just to make the situation better, or just simply to make yourself feel better. We put up with it (whatever it may be) and settle it or move on, mostly move on. Yet, the "shit" is still there. Have you ever noticed that whenever something like this happens, the situation or moment is never really handled but more ignored/looked over, just so you can move on? I've noticed this 9 out of 10 times I've seen people more-so look over the situation rather than handle it and have it be SOLVED. Mostly in the workplace, but I've seen this in daily lives as well. I've recently found myself in this particular situation.
(To give some perspective to those whom maybe confused as to what I'm talking about, here's an example)
Let's say (for instance), you're a supervisor of your department (be creative). You realize you're short on staff, you go looking around asking your workers what do they know of the people who were all supposed to be there. They don't have an answer for you (as you are the one supposed to know as the supervisor) now people are looking to you for answers why you don't have enough people working. So, you go to your boss for some help. "I'm short of workers today, do you know any one who can come in today on short notice?" And your boss replies with, "Oh yea, 3 people called in sick today, I meant to tell you but forgot. You have one person coming it, but no one else answered their phone." Obviously, this is a bad situation because people were mad at you for not making sure you had the right amount of people, yet it ended up being your boss's fault for being an idiot. You confront your boss, saying its very important and a big deal to make sure you're aware of when issues like that happens. Your boss does the typical nod and "yea yea" while shooing you away, or does the "I'm YOUR boss so let me talk down to you for about 10 minutes just so you know how much bigger I am than you." talk (we all just "love" those huh?). However, the initial situation itself is never really approached, handled, or solved in a manner to where there's a system to follow for the next time it happens. Right?
Same thing in family situations, relationships, friendships. The list goes on and on...
Really this does ultimately go down to that as humans, we like conflict. If we were to really solve everything around us, there would be no conflict. No conflict means no drama, no gossip, no arguing, no yelling, no rushing, no frustration, no stress. Normally one would think all that would be a GREAT things to have without. Ironically though, we as humans can't live without that. Our lives would become TOO routine, and TOO boring without conflict.
To keep our interest in our daily lives, we allow conflicts to arise. We don't call our boss's right away when we feel a sickness coming on (or honestly don't feel like going into work), we don't tell our boyfriends/girlfirends our ex just called us (right away), we DO tell our brother he should get a DNA test on his wife's new baby, we DO let an angry customer get to us, we DO tell our best friend her profile picture makes her look like a skank. We enjoy the rise we get from having arguments, fights, yelling, stress, rushing, and gossip. It gives us a small yet satisfying adrenaline rush and peek to our day.
With relationships, it tends to be different. Either its excuses to end relationships, self esteem issues, fears, or just plain stubbornness. It all depends on the particular situation and how honest the person wants to be about why they're really making mountains out of mole hills.
So whenever you find yourself in these particular situations/issues...just ask yourself, shit does happen, but how bad is it? Is it really worth it?
Truthfully, nothing's worth risking your job, family, or relationship...its all a matter of how bad you want it.
For now I leave you with this
"Forgiveness is looking past the darkness to see the
Light the darkness was made to hide. The Light simply
shines the darkness away." Charles HenryYin Yang Sakura
Wednesday, August 3, 2011
Help fight for the Truth!
A popular Japanese rock band Dir En Grey has made out a letter to the open public and has asked for help from people all around the world!
Please help and be apart of this!
http://www.facebook.com/notes/a-knot-army/dir-en-greys-fight-for-the-truth/256898164322036
If you cannot open the link, here it is...
Japanese rockers DIR EN GREY have released the following open letter expressing their feelings about this year's tragedy in their home country:
"The earthquake this March took the lives of many people, including many DIR EN GREY supporters. Now, in many places throughout the country, high radiation levels have been detected; everyone, including ourselves, has been exposed to the radiation and there are even some who say the contamination is so bad we are at risk to not be able to travel to the USA and other countries in the future.
"On March 11th, the band was in the studio in Tokyo working on the new album when the earthquake hit. Afterwards the power shortages and transportation chaos caused further complications, and our many thoughts crossed our mind: 'Will this album really be completed?'; 'Will we ourselves be able to continue working towards the completion?'; and 'Is it right to continue making this album?'
"August 3rd 2011 is the release date of our new album, 'Dum Spiro Spero'. This normally would have been a wonderful day where our work was to be released out into the world. However, there are still many people in Japan suffering from the disaster and so with the intention of self-restraint, we will to refrain from words of joy on this occasion. But we cannot stop moving forward due to this.
"We are currently in Japan; however, it is unclear to what extent the government's statements are correct, and to be honest, no one really knows what is going on in Japan right now. The safety regulations for safe level of radiation exposure keep getting increased higher and higher, yet the only official announcement is that 'there is no effect on health.'
"We can no longer tell whether we are a democratic nation. Unless you are careful with your words, you will be taken down with significant force. At this point, we do not have the ability to truly find out what is occurring in our own country. However, we want to know the truth. People are able to overcome huge obstacles and problems if they know the truth.
"In the album title 'While I Breath I Hope', and our music video 'Different Sense' that we released just prior to the album, our sense of wanting to take action that will lead to a breakthrough in the current situation is reflected.
"The beginnings of something as significant as the velvet revolution are said to have been in the 'Prague Spring' which was started by a rallying of people of culture.
"For all of you who have read this, we ask that you do what you can to support us in our search for the truth."
SPREAD THE WORD!!!! Put this on your FaceBook pages, Blogs, Twitters, e-mail this to your colleagues, friends, teachers, family, GET THE WORD OUT THERE!
Please help and be apart of this!
http://www.facebook.com/notes/a-knot-army/dir-en-greys-fight-for-the-truth/256898164322036
If you cannot open the link, here it is...
Japanese rockers DIR EN GREY have released the following open letter expressing their feelings about this year's tragedy in their home country:
"The earthquake this March took the lives of many people, including many DIR EN GREY supporters. Now, in many places throughout the country, high radiation levels have been detected; everyone, including ourselves, has been exposed to the radiation and there are even some who say the contamination is so bad we are at risk to not be able to travel to the USA and other countries in the future.
"On March 11th, the band was in the studio in Tokyo working on the new album when the earthquake hit. Afterwards the power shortages and transportation chaos caused further complications, and our many thoughts crossed our mind: 'Will this album really be completed?'; 'Will we ourselves be able to continue working towards the completion?'; and 'Is it right to continue making this album?'
"August 3rd 2011 is the release date of our new album, 'Dum Spiro Spero'. This normally would have been a wonderful day where our work was to be released out into the world. However, there are still many people in Japan suffering from the disaster and so with the intention of self-restraint, we will to refrain from words of joy on this occasion. But we cannot stop moving forward due to this.
"We are currently in Japan; however, it is unclear to what extent the government's statements are correct, and to be honest, no one really knows what is going on in Japan right now. The safety regulations for safe level of radiation exposure keep getting increased higher and higher, yet the only official announcement is that 'there is no effect on health.'
"We can no longer tell whether we are a democratic nation. Unless you are careful with your words, you will be taken down with significant force. At this point, we do not have the ability to truly find out what is occurring in our own country. However, we want to know the truth. People are able to overcome huge obstacles and problems if they know the truth.
"In the album title 'While I Breath I Hope', and our music video 'Different Sense' that we released just prior to the album, our sense of wanting to take action that will lead to a breakthrough in the current situation is reflected.
"The beginnings of something as significant as the velvet revolution are said to have been in the 'Prague Spring' which was started by a rallying of people of culture.
"For all of you who have read this, we ask that you do what you can to support us in our search for the truth."
SPREAD THE WORD!!!! Put this on your FaceBook pages, Blogs, Twitters, e-mail this to your colleagues, friends, teachers, family, GET THE WORD OUT THERE!
Sunday, July 24, 2011
Healthy dose of "point of view"
Hello Everyone,
Recently I've made a post on my facebook account about the incident in Norway and about Amy Winehouse's death. It was...and I quote
"
“When we are unable to find tranquility within ourselves, it is useless to seek it elsewhere.” - Francois de La Rochefoucauld
Yin Yang Sakura
Recently I've made a post on my facebook account about the incident in Norway and about Amy Winehouse's death. It was...and I quote
"
“When we are unable to find tranquility within ourselves, it is useless to seek it elsewhere.” - Francois de La Rochefoucauld
Yin Yang Sakura
Saturday, June 25, 2011
To forgive or be forgiven...that is the question
Hello everyone,
A lot of people wonder consistently whenever they get into some sort of fault with someone "Should I forgive them?" but one thing that not many people think is "Should they forgive me?" Yes it is a simple reverse psychology thing. However, you would be surprised how often it should happen. We, as humans, fight a lot. We argue, yell, scream, get angry, say things we shouldn't, make the situation worse, say other things that have nothing to do with the current argument, start yelling louder so you can be heard over the other person, say things you know will purposely make the other one more pissed than you, try to match being as pissed as the other person *GASP* shall I go on? Point is, its human nature to have conflict in your life. People like to tell me "I'm not a conflict person, I avoid it all the time." and my (honest) response is "Then you're not human. And you're obviously not being honest with yourself." We all have problems, whether its work, family, friends, or relationships. We all have problems that lead to conflict, and if you avoid it, then you're lying to yourself and making your own situation worse.
Truth is, there's nothing wrong with conflict. Yes it can end relationships, long term friendships, make you lose your job, or potential job, make you kicked out of your own family...but if it weren't for you or someone confronting their honest thoughts/problems/drama about something, then nothing will be accomplished, and you or they become a ticking time bomb. Believe me, I was there. I was afraid to speak up, hated the thought of getting into arguments since I grew up with it all around me, did whatever I could to avoid it. Guess where it got me? Got divorced, lost a couple of friends, and almost lost one of my best and most dearest friends. It bottles up and when you can't take the pressure any more (could be hours, days, even years), you blow up. And you could blow up for no reason; could be just because a woman isn't getting her baby to stop crying, teenagers talking in a movie theater, some guy cutting you off on the highway. Now blow ups are always bad because you want to get everything off your chest all at once and that's when the bad things happen. I've seen people kill themselves as a way of blowing up, people killing other people because of blowing up, people getting into stupid bar fights, slapping or physically hurting someone they love, abusing medications. All these things can be just from something as simple as bottling up thoughts, problems, emotions, concerns just because that person didn't want to confront their issues because of their fear of conflict.
However, because of this, some people do the reverse thing which isn't much better. They constantly confront their problems. And they tend to vent on one or a few of the same people over and over again. Whether it be as something as big as work issues that makes them want to quit on a daily basis, thinking their husband/wife is cheating on them, or their boss is sexually harassing them. To something as small as, someone making a snide comment about something else, teenagers acting stupid in a store, or a pet animal that won't stop making noises. It can become extremely annoying and frustrating on the other people that have to listen to it constantly on a repetitive cycle over and over again. To where when the person comes to them with a real problem (or another small problem) they blow up, something like "You always have something to bitch about, but never anything good to say!" or "All I hear all the time is bitch bitch bitch bitch bitch bitch BITCH, but never do I hear you asking about me or how I feel, or whats going on in my life!" or "You wanna know why your life sucks so bad? Because you never have anything good to say about it! If you just grew up and stopped worrying about the small things in life, you'd realize that there's more to life than just the bad!" or even "I'm so sick and tired of this! Call me when you have something good to say about your pitiful life! You have no idea what it is to really be miserable! You don't care to see how good you have it! Get over it and stop complaining to me about the small crap!" Either way it goes, its never good.
So the simple explanation along with nearly everything in life....moderation...However, for those that don't know how to work out a moderation, and still get stuff off your chest and you happen to get into these situations....or you have someone who has done this and you're in the situation of not wanting to deal with them ever again...here's what I have to say...Think outside the box. Seriously, look outside of the situation, look at them from their point of view...
If they're venting way too much, see what it is that they're searching for...maybe they just want to know that someone is there for them? Maybe they're sick of the repetition in their lives that they need a small change? Maybe they're really having a real issue that they're not talking about, so they talk about other things to cover the main issue? Have you ever calmly told them in a nice manner that they complain too much? Have you given them advice to help them enjoy their days better? Have you tried to help the situation rather than not say anything at all?
Now if they blew up on you after all the times they sat there and listened to you...Think about it. How many times a week did you complain? Did you ever have anything good to say about your day or even about whatever problem or issue you're going through? Have you ever sat there, not said a word, to let them tell you their issues, and done it more than once? And have you ever met up with them or called them just to talk or hang out, not to complain or talk about your day? Did you ever call them just to see if they wanted to vent?
Say, a dear friend blew up on you out of the blue...Have they ever vented? Did they ever talk about their issues? Whether it be family, work, friends, relationships...did they ever talk about problems that go on? Have they ever opened up about any worries or concerns? Have they opened up at all? If you've ever tried to have them talk, did they just say "No it's ok, its not a big deal" or "its nothing to worry about." or "No I'm fine, seriously don't worry about me". Without having to sit them down and pry at them for them to open up, have they ever willingly talked about private issues, with anyone?
Sometimes while we think that we're waiting for the other person to ask for forgiveness or if you're waiting to hear if you're forgiven...Take a moment and think outside the box. Should you be making them apologize? Should you be asking for forgiveness as much as you have been? Its ok to apologize to anything you feel you may have done wrong, (we are only human) however, explain yourself if you feel you deserve an apology as well. Never demand an apology, but explain why you feel you deserve one.
But...just remember, its not the end of the world, if you don't get one. Just understand, they have their reasoning too...even if they just want to be a jerk, let them. It may not be from them, but you will eventually get an apology that you deserve to hear.
For now, I leave you with this...
"You will not be punished for your anger, you will be punished by your anger." -Buddha
Yin Yang Sakura
A lot of people wonder consistently whenever they get into some sort of fault with someone "Should I forgive them?" but one thing that not many people think is "Should they forgive me?" Yes it is a simple reverse psychology thing. However, you would be surprised how often it should happen. We, as humans, fight a lot. We argue, yell, scream, get angry, say things we shouldn't, make the situation worse, say other things that have nothing to do with the current argument, start yelling louder so you can be heard over the other person, say things you know will purposely make the other one more pissed than you, try to match being as pissed as the other person *GASP* shall I go on? Point is, its human nature to have conflict in your life. People like to tell me "I'm not a conflict person, I avoid it all the time." and my (honest) response is "Then you're not human. And you're obviously not being honest with yourself." We all have problems, whether its work, family, friends, or relationships. We all have problems that lead to conflict, and if you avoid it, then you're lying to yourself and making your own situation worse.
Truth is, there's nothing wrong with conflict. Yes it can end relationships, long term friendships, make you lose your job, or potential job, make you kicked out of your own family...but if it weren't for you or someone confronting their honest thoughts/problems/drama about something, then nothing will be accomplished, and you or they become a ticking time bomb. Believe me, I was there. I was afraid to speak up, hated the thought of getting into arguments since I grew up with it all around me, did whatever I could to avoid it. Guess where it got me? Got divorced, lost a couple of friends, and almost lost one of my best and most dearest friends. It bottles up and when you can't take the pressure any more (could be hours, days, even years), you blow up. And you could blow up for no reason; could be just because a woman isn't getting her baby to stop crying, teenagers talking in a movie theater, some guy cutting you off on the highway. Now blow ups are always bad because you want to get everything off your chest all at once and that's when the bad things happen. I've seen people kill themselves as a way of blowing up, people killing other people because of blowing up, people getting into stupid bar fights, slapping or physically hurting someone they love, abusing medications. All these things can be just from something as simple as bottling up thoughts, problems, emotions, concerns just because that person didn't want to confront their issues because of their fear of conflict.
However, because of this, some people do the reverse thing which isn't much better. They constantly confront their problems. And they tend to vent on one or a few of the same people over and over again. Whether it be as something as big as work issues that makes them want to quit on a daily basis, thinking their husband/wife is cheating on them, or their boss is sexually harassing them. To something as small as, someone making a snide comment about something else, teenagers acting stupid in a store, or a pet animal that won't stop making noises. It can become extremely annoying and frustrating on the other people that have to listen to it constantly on a repetitive cycle over and over again. To where when the person comes to them with a real problem (or another small problem) they blow up, something like "You always have something to bitch about, but never anything good to say!" or "All I hear all the time is bitch bitch bitch bitch bitch bitch BITCH, but never do I hear you asking about me or how I feel, or whats going on in my life!" or "You wanna know why your life sucks so bad? Because you never have anything good to say about it! If you just grew up and stopped worrying about the small things in life, you'd realize that there's more to life than just the bad!" or even "I'm so sick and tired of this! Call me when you have something good to say about your pitiful life! You have no idea what it is to really be miserable! You don't care to see how good you have it! Get over it and stop complaining to me about the small crap!" Either way it goes, its never good.
So the simple explanation along with nearly everything in life....moderation...However, for those that don't know how to work out a moderation, and still get stuff off your chest and you happen to get into these situations....or you have someone who has done this and you're in the situation of not wanting to deal with them ever again...here's what I have to say...Think outside the box. Seriously, look outside of the situation, look at them from their point of view...
If they're venting way too much, see what it is that they're searching for...maybe they just want to know that someone is there for them? Maybe they're sick of the repetition in their lives that they need a small change? Maybe they're really having a real issue that they're not talking about, so they talk about other things to cover the main issue? Have you ever calmly told them in a nice manner that they complain too much? Have you given them advice to help them enjoy their days better? Have you tried to help the situation rather than not say anything at all?
Now if they blew up on you after all the times they sat there and listened to you...Think about it. How many times a week did you complain? Did you ever have anything good to say about your day or even about whatever problem or issue you're going through? Have you ever sat there, not said a word, to let them tell you their issues, and done it more than once? And have you ever met up with them or called them just to talk or hang out, not to complain or talk about your day? Did you ever call them just to see if they wanted to vent?
Say, a dear friend blew up on you out of the blue...Have they ever vented? Did they ever talk about their issues? Whether it be family, work, friends, relationships...did they ever talk about problems that go on? Have they ever opened up about any worries or concerns? Have they opened up at all? If you've ever tried to have them talk, did they just say "No it's ok, its not a big deal" or "its nothing to worry about." or "No I'm fine, seriously don't worry about me". Without having to sit them down and pry at them for them to open up, have they ever willingly talked about private issues, with anyone?
Sometimes while we think that we're waiting for the other person to ask for forgiveness or if you're waiting to hear if you're forgiven...Take a moment and think outside the box. Should you be making them apologize? Should you be asking for forgiveness as much as you have been? Its ok to apologize to anything you feel you may have done wrong, (we are only human) however, explain yourself if you feel you deserve an apology as well. Never demand an apology, but explain why you feel you deserve one.
But...just remember, its not the end of the world, if you don't get one. Just understand, they have their reasoning too...even if they just want to be a jerk, let them. It may not be from them, but you will eventually get an apology that you deserve to hear.
For now, I leave you with this...
"You will not be punished for your anger, you will be punished by your anger." -Buddha
Yin Yang Sakura
Friday, February 18, 2011
Always stay neutral...
Hello Everyone,
When you live with a big family, whether it be a large number of siblings (all step, half, and whole) or happen to live with aunts, uncles, and cousins. You tend to be into each others business's a lot. Sometimes it just happens because you're around each other so much you either catch ear of something or you can just sense it. However, one thing that most people do that don't even realize it half the time is they push their own opinions into your life choices. Whether its as simple as buying regular milk or soy milk, or its as serious as if you wish to get married to someone. They can become extremely paranoid about what you're doing in your life to where they FORCE you (sometimes without knowing) to do what THEY want you to do, and not what you SHOULD do for yourself.
How to get out of something like this? It's not easy. Not that the people will deny it (which will/can happen), but that they do it because they care so much about you, they want you to go the route they feel is best for you. Whether it could hurt you in the end or not. It helps their guilty conscience to make you do what they want you to do so they feel they did a good deed. Is this wrong? Very much so. However, we're all guilty of it at one time or another. It's just a matter of us catching ourselves doing this bad habit. To catch someone else doing it is a whole different story, because it is that they care. (Or their a control freak, which there is no way to win that one, sorry) So to tell them to stop, to them, its asking them to stop caring. How can you get them to understand?
Again, not easy. You can come up with scenarios that place them into your shoes so they can see what their doing wrong. Or you can just straight up and tell them, in a calm sit down, soft voice, manner...
"Look, I understand you care a lot about what I'm doing or not doing in my life. However, you have to let me make my own mistakes, allow me to live and learn. I'm not asking for you to not care, in fact, what I'm asking is for you to care more. Care for me in the way that you want me to grow up to be a well rounded citizen and I know from experience, what mistakes not to make. I care for you in the same way, I don't want to see you fall, but in order for you to learn to step over an object, you have to learn by tripping once or twice first. But I was still there for you for support, just like how I want you there for me."
If they can't understand any form of that, then they must be control freaks lol. Or they could simply be your parent. Parents do things like that because they simply love and care for their children. Nothing can stop that.
The best and easiest way to handle this sort of situation is to just ignore it. Go about your business as if they have no influence on you. Because while you think and feel they can manipulate you, it is and always will be YOUR ultimate choice to do whatever it is.
And for now I leave you with this.
"If it is to be, it is up to me." - Jack Schofield
YYS
When you live with a big family, whether it be a large number of siblings (all step, half, and whole) or happen to live with aunts, uncles, and cousins. You tend to be into each others business's a lot. Sometimes it just happens because you're around each other so much you either catch ear of something or you can just sense it. However, one thing that most people do that don't even realize it half the time is they push their own opinions into your life choices. Whether its as simple as buying regular milk or soy milk, or its as serious as if you wish to get married to someone. They can become extremely paranoid about what you're doing in your life to where they FORCE you (sometimes without knowing) to do what THEY want you to do, and not what you SHOULD do for yourself.
How to get out of something like this? It's not easy. Not that the people will deny it (which will/can happen), but that they do it because they care so much about you, they want you to go the route they feel is best for you. Whether it could hurt you in the end or not. It helps their guilty conscience to make you do what they want you to do so they feel they did a good deed. Is this wrong? Very much so. However, we're all guilty of it at one time or another. It's just a matter of us catching ourselves doing this bad habit. To catch someone else doing it is a whole different story, because it is that they care. (Or their a control freak, which there is no way to win that one, sorry) So to tell them to stop, to them, its asking them to stop caring. How can you get them to understand?
Again, not easy. You can come up with scenarios that place them into your shoes so they can see what their doing wrong. Or you can just straight up and tell them, in a calm sit down, soft voice, manner...
"Look, I understand you care a lot about what I'm doing or not doing in my life. However, you have to let me make my own mistakes, allow me to live and learn. I'm not asking for you to not care, in fact, what I'm asking is for you to care more. Care for me in the way that you want me to grow up to be a well rounded citizen and I know from experience, what mistakes not to make. I care for you in the same way, I don't want to see you fall, but in order for you to learn to step over an object, you have to learn by tripping once or twice first. But I was still there for you for support, just like how I want you there for me."
If they can't understand any form of that, then they must be control freaks lol. Or they could simply be your parent. Parents do things like that because they simply love and care for their children. Nothing can stop that.
The best and easiest way to handle this sort of situation is to just ignore it. Go about your business as if they have no influence on you. Because while you think and feel they can manipulate you, it is and always will be YOUR ultimate choice to do whatever it is.
And for now I leave you with this.
"If it is to be, it is up to me." - Jack Schofield
YYS
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