Hello everyone,
A lot of people wonder consistently whenever they get into some sort of fault with someone "Should I forgive them?" but one thing that not many people think is "Should they forgive me?" Yes it is a simple reverse psychology thing. However, you would be surprised how often it should happen. We, as humans, fight a lot. We argue, yell, scream, get angry, say things we shouldn't, make the situation worse, say other things that have nothing to do with the current argument, start yelling louder so you can be heard over the other person, say things you know will purposely make the other one more pissed than you, try to match being as pissed as the other person *GASP* shall I go on? Point is, its human nature to have conflict in your life. People like to tell me "I'm not a conflict person, I avoid it all the time." and my (honest) response is "Then you're not human. And you're obviously not being honest with yourself." We all have problems, whether its work, family, friends, or relationships. We all have problems that lead to conflict, and if you avoid it, then you're lying to yourself and making your own situation worse.
Truth is, there's nothing wrong with conflict. Yes it can end relationships, long term friendships, make you lose your job, or potential job, make you kicked out of your own family...but if it weren't for you or someone confronting their honest thoughts/problems/drama about something, then nothing will be accomplished, and you or they become a ticking time bomb. Believe me, I was there. I was afraid to speak up, hated the thought of getting into arguments since I grew up with it all around me, did whatever I could to avoid it. Guess where it got me? Got divorced, lost a couple of friends, and almost lost one of my best and most dearest friends. It bottles up and when you can't take the pressure any more (could be hours, days, even years), you blow up. And you could blow up for no reason; could be just because a woman isn't getting her baby to stop crying, teenagers talking in a movie theater, some guy cutting you off on the highway. Now blow ups are always bad because you want to get everything off your chest all at once and that's when the bad things happen. I've seen people kill themselves as a way of blowing up, people killing other people because of blowing up, people getting into stupid bar fights, slapping or physically hurting someone they love, abusing medications. All these things can be just from something as simple as bottling up thoughts, problems, emotions, concerns just because that person didn't want to confront their issues because of their fear of conflict.
However, because of this, some people do the reverse thing which isn't much better. They constantly confront their problems. And they tend to vent on one or a few of the same people over and over again. Whether it be as something as big as work issues that makes them want to quit on a daily basis, thinking their husband/wife is cheating on them, or their boss is sexually harassing them. To something as small as, someone making a snide comment about something else, teenagers acting stupid in a store, or a pet animal that won't stop making noises. It can become extremely annoying and frustrating on the other people that have to listen to it constantly on a repetitive cycle over and over again. To where when the person comes to them with a real problem (or another small problem) they blow up, something like "You always have something to bitch about, but never anything good to say!" or "All I hear all the time is bitch bitch bitch bitch bitch bitch BITCH, but never do I hear you asking about me or how I feel, or whats going on in my life!" or "You wanna know why your life sucks so bad? Because you never have anything good to say about it! If you just grew up and stopped worrying about the small things in life, you'd realize that there's more to life than just the bad!" or even "I'm so sick and tired of this! Call me when you have something good to say about your pitiful life! You have no idea what it is to really be miserable! You don't care to see how good you have it! Get over it and stop complaining to me about the small crap!" Either way it goes, its never good.
So the simple explanation along with nearly everything in life....moderation...However, for those that don't know how to work out a moderation, and still get stuff off your chest and you happen to get into these situations....or you have someone who has done this and you're in the situation of not wanting to deal with them ever again...here's what I have to say...Think outside the box. Seriously, look outside of the situation, look at them from their point of view...
If they're venting way too much, see what it is that they're searching for...maybe they just want to know that someone is there for them? Maybe they're sick of the repetition in their lives that they need a small change? Maybe they're really having a real issue that they're not talking about, so they talk about other things to cover the main issue? Have you ever calmly told them in a nice manner that they complain too much? Have you given them advice to help them enjoy their days better? Have you tried to help the situation rather than not say anything at all?
Now if they blew up on you after all the times they sat there and listened to you...Think about it. How many times a week did you complain? Did you ever have anything good to say about your day or even about whatever problem or issue you're going through? Have you ever sat there, not said a word, to let them tell you their issues, and done it more than once? And have you ever met up with them or called them just to talk or hang out, not to complain or talk about your day? Did you ever call them just to see if they wanted to vent?
Say, a dear friend blew up on you out of the blue...Have they ever vented? Did they ever talk about their issues? Whether it be family, work, friends, relationships...did they ever talk about problems that go on? Have they ever opened up about any worries or concerns? Have they opened up at all? If you've ever tried to have them talk, did they just say "No it's ok, its not a big deal" or "its nothing to worry about." or "No I'm fine, seriously don't worry about me". Without having to sit them down and pry at them for them to open up, have they ever willingly talked about private issues, with anyone?
Sometimes while we think that we're waiting for the other person to ask for forgiveness or if you're waiting to hear if you're forgiven...Take a moment and think outside the box. Should you be making them apologize? Should you be asking for forgiveness as much as you have been? Its ok to apologize to anything you feel you may have done wrong, (we are only human) however, explain yourself if you feel you deserve an apology as well. Never demand an apology, but explain why you feel you deserve one.
But...just remember, its not the end of the world, if you don't get one. Just understand, they have their reasoning too...even if they just want to be a jerk, let them. It may not be from them, but you will eventually get an apology that you deserve to hear.
For now, I leave you with this...
"You will not be punished for your anger, you will be punished by your anger." -Buddha
Yin Yang Sakura
