Patience is a virtue?...my ass...

Hello everyone...

I am here to bitch/vent/complain/release...::sigh:: all that and possibly more....

As some of you may know, I have been going through some personal issues with my ex husband. As of late, I have let go of my past and decided to allow myself to go through whatever phases I was to experience in my new single life. However, as a lot of things do happen, my plans ended up taking a surprising turn. I had been catching up with an old and very dear friend of mine. One night I ended up sending him to the hospital, (he had his appendix removed, he's better now) and we started spending a LOT of time together. I was there for him during personal and physical issues he was going through and we ended up developing feelings for each other. Like I said, this was not a planned thing. We have been friends for over 9 years so naturally we're very close. With everything that the both of us have been through we ended up leaning on each other for support and other feelings came with that.
We have been taking things very slowly. And so slow in such a way that both of us are very comfortable with the pace we're going. However...My parents have been interceding to prevent me from having any sort of relationship with anyone before I'm officially divorced. Now keep in mind, my ex is already moved on, HAS been already moved on. He's been living with his "friend" for a couple of months now. That being said, I have felt it is time and OK for me to move on in my life. NOPE....my parents have been keeping him at bay from getting any closer or at any comfortable spot in my life. I understand that my parents are protective of my daughter (They honestly don't give a shit about me. I'm not saying this to be mean, I'm saying this because its true. Nothing that they have said of their concerns have been anything about me, but for my daughter) but they need to trust me as her MOTHER that I will make the right decisions...I'm naturally a cautious person, I grew up having no friends and constantly bullied. So I have grown to have trust issues with people I don't know. Now instead of me meeting some stranger and dating them, I have found a more meaningful attachment to someone that I have known and trusted for years. So you'd think they would trust my opinion since I have such trust issues with people? Oh hell no...of course not...why would they trust me?....According to them, I have been reckless and irresponsible with my choices and they have no reason to trust me with bringing someone new around.
But here's my problem with that...HE'S NOT NEW. He has been a loyal and wonderful friend for 9 YEARS. He is one of my very few BEST friends. I have more trust in him than I ever had in my ex husband (sadly). They should be able to trust my judgment and instead of keeping me from happiness, they should be happy for me.

Sorry...had to vent all this...I was ready to hit something >.>....no I don't have anger issues, I just vent differently...lol

For now I leave you with this...


"Every time I bleed, there lies the reason to live." Dir En Grey, The Final

Yin Yang Sakura

Social life of the antisocial

Hello everyone,

I have decided to take the social turn into my new life. I have lost weight and inches (back down to my pre-pregnancy size) and decided, since I'm back down to the size I wanted to be, I should let myself have the life I want too. I'm naturally a hermit, very antisocial and I shut down when I'm in large crowds or around people I'm not comfortable with. However, I wanted a new change in my life and I thought, change doesn't come with the same habits. It comes from stepping outside of your comfort zone and exploring the new. So that is what I did. I took spontaneous actions and got out of the house and had great times!

I'm starting to enjoy my new life. Naturally I was scared and wanted back into my life before, but neither of us were happy so why would I want that back? If I do get my marriage back, it should start anew. Start with being happy all over again and enjoying the start of everything, however, KEEPING that happiness as it grows back. If the marriage doesn't come back, I am back to the person I was before, the person that people admired and respected me for. I have found within myself that I don't need a relationship to be happy, I have my friends and that means a lot to me. Besides, when I was younger, I actually enjoyed my freedom and being single. With that said I am happy on either road my life takes me.

I for sure feel like a new woman not even like how I was before. I have experience, and a drive in me that I never had before. I am now starting to believe all my friends that would tell me how strong I am to go through what I had to go through. Not that I'm getting cocky or anything, but that I feel more confident in myself to go at life alone (not completely alone since I have my baby). Everyone should feel this way. Women especially, married women, single women, divorced women, all of us!

So, for now I leave you with this...

"Knowledge speaks, wisdom listens." - Zen (I believe)


Yin Yang Sakura

Petting my cat Peeve

Hello Everyone,

Recently I have found one of those "like" pages on Facebook that was titled "Banned iPods from school" "Yea because Eminem is gonna rap me the answers." Well, this struck a nerve with me. First of all, I hate this high righteous attitude that young kids have now-a-days when it comes to school issues. I'm sorry, but if you're under 18-16, you have no rights, you have no freedom, you DO have school. Schools need to go back to having rules just to have rules to set regulations and strict form. I remember we had a no tolerance rule when it came to physical contact with other or opposite sex students. We weren't allowed to do anything from tickling to kissing. and I mean ANYTHING. Hugging was even on the list. With THAT being as ridiculous as it was we still followed the rules. None of us were rich, snobby, and decided to stick our nose up to it and take it to court were it ruined the rest of the students. Although I must say with having 3 girls (in middle school) pregnant, the rules obviously did not follow outside of school. This is where I think a lot of students lose sight of the purpose of school rules.

Rules and regulations inside of school are not to take away patriotic freedom (for you weirdos that love this country more than should be allowed.) The rules are there to SEPARATE school from the public. It is to give you STRUCTURE so you know how to ACT PROFESSIONALLY in society. School is NOT a place to play, act the way you want, dress the way you want, have your hair the way you want, have the MOUTH you want, and text whenever you want. School is to be a place to get you ready for the REAL world of the working place. Because, lets face it, school is work. You NEED to learn the rules of the working place. Without it, you'll be ignorant and stupid and get yourself in situations to where you can't find a job, because no one will hire you because you can't put down your phone/ipod for 5 seconds.

If I were a teacher, you damn well better believe that if I found any KID with a cell phone in my room, would get it taken away. On or off. When I was in school, that's how it was. If you were CAUGHT with a cell phone, it was taken away and your parents had to pick it up.


Now for the opposing side, yes I understand you think you "should have" your phones for "emergency" situations. Granted, there have been schools getting shot up and things like that, but let's be honest here. What good will that really do? When a school is getting shot up, you can't leave. You can't go anywhere. So let's be honest, what good will your phone will do besides call 911, which by the time YOU call 911, they've already been called several times? It's pointless really. If your parent wants to know if you're alright, they'll wait. Not like you're gonna pull out your phone at gun point at put on FB or text your mom saying "sorry I'm at gun point right now, can't talk" Even if you're not sure what's going on and you're safe in the classroom, what are you gonna text your parents? "Someone's shooting up the school, I think...Call the cops!...maybe.." I don't think so...
Now let's do a different scenario. You're at school waiting to be picked up, and no one's there. You go to the school, they closed. You go to the payphone, its peed on or disconnected or you have no change. In that placement, yes I can see where a cell phone could come in handy, but I would walk until I came to a place where I could use a phone. (ex...7-11, Starbucks, a bank, etc.) Because that's what you do in situations like that. If you don't know your area enough to do something like that, then you really should open your eyes and take a look around. There's always a place where you can use a land line phone. Plus, its good exercise to walk around. And don't say you'd get in trouble, because really, its the persons fault for forgetting to pick you up, not yours.
Someone once said about staying in touch with a network of friends for meetings inside the school or just to see where people are. That's where the setting up BEFORE hand comes in handy.


All in all....Seriously people, it hasn't been THAT long that cell phones have been allowed in school. It's been done WITHOUT them for so long. Have we all really become THAT dependent on ALL technology that our teenagers can't live without them???? That's sad...


I challenge ALL who has cellphones. Unless you have a business that cell number is the only line for it, I want EVERYONE to have ONE WHOLE DAY WITHOUT YOUR CELLPHONE! If you (for whatever reason) cannot have your cellphone off for a whole day, then do at LEAST 8 hours of your cell phones being turned off!
C'mon people! Let's not let technology run our lives!


For now, I leave you with this...


"So tell me, what's it like to live in that constant haze of stupidity?" Hiei from Yu Yu Hakusho


Yin Yang Sakura

The Love in Reminiscing

Hello everyone,

Naturally being a pessimistic person, I have a hard time staying cheerful or just naturally happy. Often I find myself asking …

“What’s there to be so happy about?”

Of course without a doubt the answer is always, my baby. But let’s be honest here and as we all know (to those that are parents) it doesn’t always change the way you feel.  Yea it makes it worth waking up the next day for, but mixed with the screaming the whining, the “mommy mommy mommy mommy, momma momma momma momma momma, mom mom mom mom mom mom” and the consistently getting into stuff they know they shouldn’t. It doesn’t help lighten the mood.

So I turn to a few very happy memories of mine that I have with my idol Kyo. He is the singer in Dir En Grey, a Japanese heavy metal/rock band, it’s my favorite band ever. I listen to them when I’m pissed, happy, even sad. They keep me sane and sometimes they vent for me. With Kyo’s intense screaming and passionate singing with the morbid lyrics. I feel that Kyo and I could really get along well if we could sit down and talk (I’ve met him twice now.) His morbidity is very close to my own, just ask any of my close friends and ex husband.

The first time I met him was by chance in 2007. I went to a Deftones concert that had Dir En Grey headlining for them. I was freshly 18 and freaked out that I was finally going to see the one band I was obsessed about in concert. I regrettably had bought two tickets and was left to bring someone that nearly ruined the night for me. I had saved up my paychecks to be able to go crazy on merchandise. As I got there I found out quickly how much money I really SHOULD have saved. (Concerts are not cheap.) As I was at the counter I quickly noticed a colorful hand made small sign that said “Meet Dir En Grey after their performance!” So I quickly asked the sales woman.

“Is that sign for real???” I asked as I pointed it out.

“Oh yes, right after their performance, they’re gonna set up a table right here and sign stuff.” She said casually. My heart skipped several beats as I couldn’t breathe. Oh ehm gee. I was freaking out with joy! As I sat through a horrible band named “Fall of Troy” or “Fall out Troy”. Honestly I didn’t care for them and didn’t think they sounded very good at all. It was a bunch of unorganized noise. I applauded for them leaving the stage when they finished.

Then in much anticipation waiting for Dir En Grey, the back drop sign fell to reveal “Dir En Grey” written. And of course, the crowd went crazy, as did I. Their performance was amazing as I had hoped it would be, and even better. Kyo’s performance was nothing short of incredible. He does self mutilate on stage, and yes he did for us as well. I only had wished I was in the pits where all the joy truly was.

As soon as it was over I quickly grabbed my stuff and ran out where the line for the autographs had just started. I knew we weren’t going to meet all of Dir En Grey, but I had high hopes. While waiting in line I had no idea that a small blond head that had passed my right in the corner of my eye, was in fact Kyo! I quickly looked as he had already passed me and we all started cheering for him. I was so glad it was him, as you could imagine my admiration for him I was fully pleased that he was there alone. Don’t get me wrong, it’s always great to meet the whole band with any group, but as my first concert and celebrity to have met, I’m so glad it was Kyo alone. I quickly dug through my purse realizing that I needed something to have him sign. I tried to find my ticket and all I could find was the envelope it came in. So I figured it would have to do. I handed it to the grumpy and rushing people who gave it to Kyo as I stood in front of him. He signed my awkward piece and as he gave it back I said “Arigatou gozaimashita” which in that form means, thank you very much for everything (its what you would say at the end of something to thank someone for whatever it is they did.) As I said it with a bow, he looked up at me and gave a very nice smile to me. My heart fluttered as I walked away returning my own smile to him. I could see in the corner of my eye, his eyes following me walk away.  These random, yet very nice girls, had asked to see my autograph and they all squealed with and for me. Then one girl came up very loudly (I’m sure because of jealousy) and said.

“He smiled at you!” I could see a genuine smile on her face, even though she openly admitted her jealousy.

“WHAT?!” All the other girls gasped and quickly looked at me with wide eyes.

“Yea he did, it was a very lovely smile.” I grinned ear to ear. They all hugged me in celebration for my apparent success. (For those that don’t know, Kyo never smiles unless he has reason to. Ex, a joke, or  someone has said something worthy of smiling at) I got one more autograph from him but didn’t say anything the second time, for the guards/workers were getting tired and rushing us people a little too much.  So that was the extent of meeting Kyo for the first time.

The second time was just this month. September 7^th to be exact. It was a Tuesday, odd day of the week to have a concert, yet I had bought the ticket over a month before. I was wanting to buy two tickets, but at the time I didn’t know of anyone that lived in the same city that liked Dir En Grey. After talking with my ex husband about it (since he was the one funding for the purchase) he had said that I deserved to do something alone and for myself. He asked if there was a VIP, and there was, so he convinced me to get it. I realized the VIP came with a meet and greet as well as a bunch of free merchandise. I was very happy that he did that for me.

While I was waiting in line, I had met these two 17 year old Dir En Grey fans. They were very sweet and very cool. We talked about our previous concerts which it was their second concert as well as my own. So our talk only went so far. But then the security guy came through checking us for camera’s and if any of us were 21. I got my wrist band and soon after we were separated from VIP to regular and brought through. We were then separated from Dir En Grey and Apocalyptica (I may have spelt that wrong),  as the lady was explaining what was to happen (we all pretended to hear) we were handed our merchandise, as I look up I’m the first to notice Shinya walk up, then to follow was Kaoru, Die, Kyo then Toshiya. I was so SHOCKED to have seen them all up there like that. They looked tired and bored from doing the same thing over and over again but I’m sure they do still get their enjoyment with being around their fans (Dir En Grey’s been around for over 10 years mind you). We were asked random questions as a group to answer. One of which I remember clearly because of what happened.

“What’s your favorite song?” the lady asked us.

“The Final.” I was one of the first to answer. Lots of people agreed then went on to say other songs.

We then were randomly picked to ask the group a question. I was not picked sadly. But we then were told we could take a picture with Dir En Grey and shake their hands. I was starting to become nervous. I waited till near the end of the group to take my picture as I watched everyone else take their picture and shake the groups hand. When I went up the girl in front of me did not have a camera so she just wanted to shake their hands.  As I handed the translator lady my phone on the camera mode she told me to go ahead and shake their hands first. So I did, I shook each of their hands saying “Hajimemashite Sara desu.” Which means “Nice to meet you, I’m Sara.” With a slight bow of course, I started with Shinya, Die, Kaoru, then Kyo…I had heard the young girls say that Kyo has a strong hand shake, but I was very much caught off guard. His hand shake was VERY strong. After I introduced myself I paused and looked back and forth from our hands to him and to our hands again, I was gonna say “wow you’re strong.” But I didn’t want to look like an idiot so I moved on to Toshiya then took my picture. After the picture I turned to them, bowed and thanked them (in Japanese of course) and grabbed my phone back to see the picture. As I turned around to look at the group as my lagging phone loads, I noticed Kyo’s eyes were already on me. And they stayed on me for a few seconds longer, to where the intimidation got to me. I lowered my head and pretended to be doing something on my phone. I had said to the girls.

“Kyo’s eyes are intense.”

“Oh no, I think he has beautiful eyes and a soft face.” They replied.

“No no…they’re intense.” I silently stated as they finished and walked back.

During the concert there was a time that I couldn’t pick out the song that was starting, but it sounded so very familiar. I looked up from my phone (I was recording and taking pictures off and on) and again, Kyo’s eyes were right on me. I know this because during this time, there was enough space around me to where I could tell if Kyo was looking at other people. He was looking right at me for several seconds, and as soon as I knew what song it was, he dropped his arms and turned away. It was The Final. I screamed in joy and finished enjoying my night.

Yes we all wish that we are secretly destined to be with a celebrity or just a person we truly love/like/admire. I do wish that at some time I get to sit down and have a heart to heart talk with Kyo…with the help of a translator. But I know it won’t happen lol. It doesn’t hurt to wish for it!

I am a dork, I don’t care.

Enjoy all of your great memories that keep you in a cheerful mood. And don’t ever regret anything that happens in your life, we learn from our mistakes and they make us the person we are today.

For now I leave you with this….

“My toast always lands butter side up!” Kari from Mythbusters

Yin Yang Sakura

unexpected the expected

Hello everyone,

It's interesting to me how we all are as humans. The way we act, dress, and expect things. We know how unexpected life can be, yet we still live expecting specific things to go our way. We always become upset as well when things don't go our way. (don't say you don't because we all do.)

However, we allow ourselves to live in a diluted "unexpecting the expected" life style. We know how things are really going to go, yet we act surprised when they do.

What I'm trying to say is, we know how life sucks and how it can never go the way we want it to, but we still force ourselves to think the impossible. That we can wake up one day and everything will go the way we want it to. Even if its just one specific thing we want to go our way. Like a boss giving a promotion, or getting a job offer at a place you've always wanted to work at, or having the woman/man you've had a crush on come up to YOU and tell YOU that they have feelings for you. We all know it would never happen. Yet we pray and hope and get all of our emotions involved into hoping that it'll happen. When it doesn't, we're crushed. We see our undeserving coworker get the promotion or pay raise, someone else we know that already has a great job gets the job offer you wanted, of you tell the person you like your feelings for them and they turn you down.

We know the truth of life, yet we set ourselves up for failure each time.

The inevitable question,

Why do we do this?

For this particular subject, there are many answers. They all ultimately lead down to one, and that is Hope.

Yes something as simple as Hope is a natural human emotion that we all possess that we put into each and everything thing that we do. Yes it causes us to have emotional attachment to whatever it is that we place it onto, but it never stops us. A part of it could just be to see if we still have emotional reaction (to those that feel they are numb), another part could just be that we think that we're not emotionally attached, yet we are. Whether we know it or not.

So now...

I leave you with this

"This is a kill or be killed world. If you're too weak to help yourself you deserve to fall." - Hiei from Yu Yu Hakusho

Yin Yang Sakura

Summer, you will NOT be missed

Hello everyone,

So even though I have been in a 'down in the dumps' mood for the passed couple of days. I seem to have woken up to a LOVELY surprise today.


SUMMER IS GONE!!!!!!


I have to say that, with living in a concentrated heat city, summer is never a season I enjoy. Even when I was young, I dreaded summer arriving. I tried being a sun person, tanning, swimming all summer long, even playing sports in the sun. Not once did I truly enjoy it.

why?

BECAUSE I BURNED! And I raised my chances of getting skin cancer all the more. So I came to the conclusion of, I'll just be white.

Now I'm the whitest person many people know. I'm called a vampire many of times because of how white I am. Oh yes, I'm that white. I have yet to find ONE person whiter than I am. I found ONE person who was as white as me, but not whiter.
I openly HATE the sun. The only thing its good for is for Vitamin D. All you need for that is to be in the sun for about an hour and you're fine. You don't need to spend several hours in the sun, nor do you NEED to tan. I think being white is beautiful. It's natural (our skin always fades to it after summer), and you're not at risk for cancer. LOL

Oh yes, I laughed out loud.


To you people who tan. Look at those freckles that you didn't have before...those "burnt" marks that you don't remember having last summer. And those "what is that?" marks.
Do you still want to ask me why I don't tan?

I didn't think so...

^_^ So now...I leave you with this...


"Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery, but today is a gift. That is why it is called the present." - Kung Fu Panda

Yin Yang Sakura

Anxious fun!

Hello everyone,

Isn't honesty just a fun thing?

Not really...

Because it hurts, it sucks, and its not always helpful. Yet its always something we ask for from those around us. So why do we deny it? Because naturally we don't want to be hurt. It's our natural defense to protect ourselves from being hurt by letting others tell us things that we want to hear rather what we need to hear. So when someone comes around and speaks the truth, they're an ass.

Or are they?

I've noticed once long ago that whenever there's a person that everyone doesn't like its usually because they're blunt with the truth. So everyone gets offended and hurt and doesn't like that person so they reject or deny them. But then when the time comes that we want that person to speak the truth, they're not around.

Why do we do this?

Again...its our natural self defense and self protection.

So here's what I want to ask of everyone that reads this.

Is the truth that really hurtful? Or is it that we make it hurtful because its not what we WANT to hear?


Life sucks, that's just how it is. We all know this. So why deny something that's so pure as the truth?
I just want to see more kind honesty being placed around the world. And this is how I place my part. To make everyone think about why they deny or protect themselves or others from the truth.
And as to place my example (lead by example) for everyone...
I had a crush on someone that I admire and respect for several years that I've known him. I told him through a note years ago, but he only liked me as a friend in return. Unfortunately I don't think my feelings ever went away for him. So now that I'm divorced, I waited to see if my feelings were just because of my vulnerability. Once I realized my feelings were real, I decided to wait to tell him in person, but then I realized in doing that, I was lying to him each time I talked to him. Keeping something from him that he had a right to know. So after hours of convincing myself to do it, I called him up and told him everything. Yes it was a shock to him, I would have been shocked myself if he wasn't. I know I had to do the right thing and that was to tell him. No matter what way it turns out, I know our friendship is strong and this could only make it stronger because I was honest.

Now let's not be hypocrites people! Be honest! It may hurt, it may sound rude, but be kind about it and just do it!

Now I leave you with...


"The quieter you become, the more you are able to hear." - Zen

Yin Yang Sakura

The First

As we all know with any of our firsts, its not the greatest and rather disappointing. So don't be expecting anything fantastic with this being my first official blog.

Let me tell you a little bit about myself...
I'm a young single mother, born and raised in Las Vegas, NV. Don't say "viva las vegas" I hate that. Very recently I split up with my ex husband and now going through a divorce. Since then a lot has changed in my life and I have changed a lot myself.
I'm an artist and a writer. I draw lots of anime style art, teaching myself realism, and I'm currently writing a book. I have written short fanfic stories before, but this is my first actual book with original storyline and characters.
I have one daughter, and she is the light of my life. She's only 2 but she has a sense of humor like a 6 year old. She is very beautiful, smart, and loving for such a young little girl. She will definitely be a heart breaker.
I'm the youngest of 6 all together. I have a large family, and we don't get along very well, but we do what we can. Being the youngest of so many, I've grown to be very observant of people around me, and because of that I study things that involved being observant. I'm into studying all religions, human behavior, and paranormal. Oh yes, I'm a freak.

Throughout reading my blogs you will learn just how freakish and weird I am. I warn that I am a morbid person as well. But you'll learn all this with time ^.^

Now that you have learned a bit about myself, I shall end this while I'm ahead....

But

For now I leave you with this....

"I reject your reality, and substitute my own." - Mythbusters Adam Savage

Yin Yang Sakura